Burnt Chocolate Stories

I think everyone likes to feel needed and valued. I know that's true for me. Not so much when I was a little girl and my mother wanted me to set the table and clean up after dinner with my sisters. After the last bite of dessert, I would escape to the bathroom and hide in there until I was sure the last glass had been put back into the cupboard. When Steve and I married, we had each other to care for until the first of our five children arrived just seven years apart. I remember carrying an infant with a toddler wrapped around my leg. Part of me loved it and part of me thought I was being swallowed whole. But those years passed way to quickly. Maybe thirty years at most and we were on our own again.  And now, I am completely alone for the first time in my life. No children, no husband, no house to manage, although my handful of plants need water from time to time . I thought about getting a puppy but Wisconsin winters are not friendly for dog walking. And it would feel like a repea...

I've come to believe that optimism and resilience are two qualities that provide comfort as we age. At least that's true for me. Each morning feels like a gift now, not a day filled with tasks. I check to see if any of my plants have new buds, whether the lake is calm or filled with white caps and if a bird has landed on my deck. My joints ache sometimes and I can't walk as long and as fast as I used to. But I can walk and swim and read and write, so all is not lost. When Tina Turner sang, I Will Survive , I took those words to heart during those dark days we've all had. And here I am, at 82, still looking for the answers I thought I would know by now. But age has nothing to do with it. Life is filled with complexities and confusion that we will never understand. Being alone much of the time does not have to be lonely. It can provide time for introspection and acceptance.  There was a time when anger came swiftly. But now, I find, I haven't the time or the inclinati...

 I have made a decision to focus on joy and love and stop worrying. What was I worried about? Mainly the state of affairs in our country. But my worry and concern was draining me and in the end non-productive. I'm spending energy and time thinking about cherished memories of my childhood and life in general. In June, my daughter and I are spending a week in Union Pier. When I tell others about our plans, they invariably ask where is Union Pier? In case you, too, are wondering, it's in the southern tip of Michigan, just over the Indiana border. I spent whole summers there with my two sisters and my mom. Dad came on the weekends but had to stay in Hyde Park in Chicago during the week for work. Ours was just a two bedroom place, big enough for the five of us to sleep and eat. I was told that Sandy and Eleanor dug holes in the sand so my mom could lie on her stomach when she was nine months pregnant with me in the hot July sun.  I remember digging holes in the sand and squishing t...