Burnt Chocolate Stories

In the late 1980's, when my children were all teenagers, I decided I needed something to boost my self awareness, introspection, purpose. So I took a Wakeful Dreaming Workshop. If you've never heard of such a thing, you are not alone. The seminar took place in the family room of a Leader in Skokie, Illinois. I think there were only four of us, maybe six, a small group. One of us would lie down with our eyes closed while our partner asked questions to help us imagine a scene. "Is it warm, cold, sunny, rainy? Is anyone there? Do you see a path? Are there rocks?" And so on until the image you created in your mind provided a message for you to ponder. Then we would switch places so our partners had a chance to experience their dreams. It was a two day seminar with many different activities, one of which has had a lasting effect on me. At one point, I was walking on my path in my mind, daisies near the trees, a nice pond, a blue bird following me and the question I was ask...

 Every morning, I make a latte in my very old Nespresso machine that continues to limp along after providing me with coffee for nearly fifteen years. The frother died about five years ago so I purchased an inexpensive gizmo that does the job rather than buy a new machine. Sometimes I treat myself to a second or even third latte in the afternoon, which was my plan yesterday. Just as I was about to pour in the frothy milk, I knocked over the glass which broke, of course, and I had a clean up job which took a good ten minutes. I was aggravated with myself but not deterred. I filled the water dispenser, told myself to slow down and be careful and tried again. Unbelievably, I knocked over the completed latte this time so piles of milky foam floated on the countertop. At least the glass didn't break. If this had happened to someone else, I would have said "It's no bother. Don't be upset." But to me? Another ten minutes of clean up along with a great deal of scolding abo...

Sometimes, like this morning, I have so many thoughts rumbling around in my head that it's difficult to focus. For one, the water and air shows are performing today. I'm not sure what the fascination is with hoses spurting water in circles is about, but apparently a number of people find it intriguing. This afternoon, the noise of the airplanes will frighten the birds and remind me of the millions of dollars spent on metal instead of human beings. But enough of my negativity. The silver lining for me this morning is that the constitution, combined with all the laws that have been passed during these last 250 years, is so complicated and convoluted, I'm convinced we will survive and thrive, but it may take some time.  Instead, I'll share a story that always makes me laugh. Mona Haslip began bringing students into her home after school and on the weekends to create art, music, literature in Hyde Park. Her dream of building a center for all these activities and more came t...

I've made a commitment to myself, my computer and most of all, to you. Every Saturday morning, I make a cup of coffee, enjoy my two pieces of raisin toast and sit down at my desk. Often I stare out the window at Lake Michigan, hoping some great idea will pop into my head. Rarely does that happen. On Wednesday, I begin to think about what I will write on Saturday, ponder many different topics, hoping one will stick.  Alice Munro was once asked why she only wrote short stories. "That's all I had time for," was her answer. With that in mind and all the time in the world, I thought I'd try my hand at a novel. It's been nearly a year now. I've had fun imagining different scenarios, making up drama, creating characters. But a knowledgeable editor has described my writing as too much telling, not enough showing, point of view problems and lack of dialogue. At first, I was crushed. In the past, I would have hunkered down to prove her wrong. It's been a few wee...

Ben, Matt, Becky, Sarah and Josh Steve and I moved our family to Evanston the same summer as our fifth child, Rebeccah was born. About two years later, the social worker at Lincoln School, Ben Soltz, sent around a sheet asking anyone who wanted to join a mother's group to sign up. Eight of us joined and remained committed for years. I've come to think of that group as mothers mothering mothers. We were committed and rarely missed a Monday afternoon. Ben considered it his way of staying sane. I will be forever grateful for those years. One year, the day after Mother's Day, we shared our individual celebrations with each other. I never considered the holiday terribly important. A day that any of my children helped with the dishes or cleaned up their rooms was a treat. Still in my bed, I could hear the children scampering about and shouted, "Bring me my presents!" And they came running with handmade goodies they'd produced at school. Wanting to hedge my bets, I h...

I've always loved entertaining family and friends in my home. For nearly twenty years, I prepared dinner for seven people almost every day of the week. Then there were the dinner parties for twelve or the buffets for twenty. I've lost track. But I do remember putting together menus, standing in the kitchen for two, sometimes, three hours. Never gave it a thought. I don't remember complaining, so I know enjoyed it. I was a pretty good cook. No complaints except on the nights I was trying to use up leftovers creatively. And everyone remembers the brussel sprout cranberry disaster during Steve's vegetarian days. This past weekend, I prepared brunch for eight people, my daughter and son-in-law along with wonderful friends and two of their grandsons. Simple meal really of smoked salmon, bagels and a noodle casserole. And yet, I found the entire undertaking challenging. I planned my grocery store trips carefully, mixed up the noodles the day before, baked it that morning, set...

We had a place in Dodgeville Wisconsin for several years, from 2000 to 2008. One hundred acres of walnut trees, meadows and a tiny stream. The house was just a few years old but in our usual fashion, we remade the entire interior, putting in a new kitchen, new bathrooms, finishing the basement - the works.  We added a mini barn so Steve could paint. The former owners had planted acres of trees that needed special care so we built a huge barn to hold the tractor that kept the trees weed free. The tractor was  enclosed with air conditioning and a CD player, a source of endless jokes for the neighborhood farmers.   I thought we would spend a month or two there in the summer, weekends occasionally in the winter, but our permanent base would be Chicago. By the end of the first summer, we'd sold our Chicago place mostly at Steve's request. I had no idea what full- time life would be like in the country but I was game for this new experience. After two months, I had second ...

 I have made a decision to focus on joy and love and stop worrying. What was I worried about? Mainly the state of affairs in our country. But my worry and concern was draining me and in the end non-productive. I'm spending energy and time thinking about cherished memories of my childhood and life in general. In June, my daughter and I are spending a week in Union Pier. When I tell others about our plans, they invariably ask where is Union Pier? In case you, too, are wondering, it's in the southern tip of Michigan, just over the Indiana border. I spent whole summers there with my two sisters and my mom. Dad came on the weekends but had to stay in Hyde Park in Chicago during the week for work. Ours was just a two bedroom place, big enough for the five of us to sleep and eat. I was told that Sandy and Eleanor dug holes in the sand so my mom could lie on her stomach when she was nine months pregnant with me in the hot July sun.  I remember digging holes in the sand and squishing t...

 Today is a day filled with chocolate covered strawberries, red roses and perfume for loved ones. And while I enjoy the goodies, I've felt putting aside a day to celebrate love is like putting aside a day to enjoy a good meal. Every day deserves celebrating our loved ones, telling them we love them, and putting aside old wounds so they can heal. As some of you know, I am writing a novel. Although it is a work of fiction, it also contains the love I feel for grandparents I barely knew, for their courage and love for a granddaughter they would never know. They saved me from a life of constant persecution because we are a Jewish family. Not that anti-semitism isn't alive and well in the United States because it is and always has been. I attended a program recently on the current politics our country is enduring. There were excellent charts presented with percentages of the numbers of people who support Trump's agenda and those who are against it. 35% for 59% against. Someone i...

I used to say the years fly by like bullets. Then it was weeks. Now it's days. Saturday morning is here again and I've spent a good deal of the time drinking coffee and thinking about what I'd like to post.  Today is Steve's Yartzeit (the one year anniversary of his death according to the Jewish calendar). I lit the candle in his memory and said the prayers. I thought it would be a sad day for me, but in truth, we had over sixty amazing years, a journey that contained dozens of highs and lows. I'm grateful for what we had. The sadness has diminished. In the coming year, I'll light a candle for my parents, my sister Sandy, our son Ben, friends I've lost, because in that moment when the candle is lit, I feel their presence and remember the times we shared.  Steve was a complicated man, but his ability to laugh at himself, not take himself too seriously was one of his best traits. It's one of the things I loved most about him. Steve loved to tell the story ...

There's a belief that if you do something for 21 days in a row, it becomes a habit you'll find difficult to break. This applied to exercise mostly and I don't know if that's true for writing posts, but today is the 21st Saturday that I've written a story and posted it on Burnt Chocolate. So perhaps I've cemented the habit. I do know that writing brings me a great deal of pleasure. And at this stage in my life, that's become an important commodity. Since I moved to Saint John's, I've thought about getting a puppy. Steve and I talked about it and decided it probably wasn't a good idea. When we had Annie, a mixture of German Shepherd and Rottweiler and Emma, a mixture of Black Lab, Sharpie and Staffordshire Terrier (pit bull), we were living in a house and could open the back door and let them run. In an apartment, no matter the weather, walking them outside is a necessity. Then, when Steve moved to the care neighborhood, I thought why not? A puppy ...

The last time I published this story was 3 weeks before the 2020 presidential election, when we were all holding our collective breath, hoping Biden would win. And he did! Like a bad dream, Trump has come back into our lives, holding court, destroying the White House, chopping off heads, ruining thousands of lives just because he feels like it. He's a grown up version of Eddie. So here it is again, I hope for the last time. One year down, three to go unless the entire country has had enough of his bullying and can figure out a way stop him. Park Bully Eddie is the park bully at age four. He throws sand, squishes castles, pinches arms, pushes babies and ignores his mother's pleas to be a good boy.  Bad boy Eddie is the scapegoat of Goudy playground, the source of all angst, beyond control and blamed for any bad behavior that the other children exhibit. No one intervenes or supports this family.  Instead, we whisper maliciously behind Eddie's mom's back and wish they woul...

Steve doing his imitation of an Ultakocker at his 80th birthday party with Grandson Adam One of the best things about living in a diverse country, with many different ethnicities and cultures, is enjoying unique foods, sharing different customs and holidays, and learning words that have become commonplace but are still foreign to many.  Yiddish has a complicated history. It is a combination of several different languages - some low German, Hebrew, a bit of Polish and some Russian as well as words from the Baltic region. Early Ashkenazi Jews who emigrated from Europe mostly spoke Yiddish when they arrived but encouraged their children to learn English. Certain ultra religious Jewish groups in the United States and Israel continue to speak Yiddish as their given language. So this week, I'm going to introduce you to some of the Yiddish words that have become commonplace in America.  If you hear someone say, he's such a Mensh, it means an honorable human being you might like to kn...

Pieces of me are falling apart. I suppose it's my age - 82 is no spring chicken as they say. I need two implants due to two teeth failing to do their job properly and chew as they have been instructed. That is no easy feat as it takes many months to get it done. And how much mileage will I get out of it? Maybe ten years if I'm lucky. But my children say I need to do these things and spend the small fortune it will cost. The other night, there was a tiny spider on the ceiling above my bed. At first I thought, how much damage can a tiny spider do. But then it bothered me that it was up there waiting to pounce and bite, so I picked up my slipper, stood on the bed and swiped it off, killing it I suppose, but it disappeared. Then I fell against the wall behind my bed and clocked my right eye, turning it blue and swollen almost immediately. Ice all night kept the swelling down, but the color has become a brilliant rainbow that circles my eye. Nurse Abby confirmed no damage had been d...

"Can't we all just be friends?" That was Rodney Kings refrain after he'd been beaten within an inch of his life by the Los Angeles police.  If he can express such a hopeful stance, let's hope the rest of us can.  When Karl Rove, Tucker Carlson and John Yoo have come together to say enough is enough from trump, here's hoping the rest of us can. I was at a discussion group last week and a gentleman, rather apologetically, said he was concerned about the budget which is why he voted for trump. No! That excuse does not fly. Because trump never said he would or even could balance the budget. No one really cares about the federal budget except when it's time to have an election. Then hands are raised as if this is a horrible predicament. Well, now, in these terrible circumstances, it might be, but it's too late to even be concerned if anyone really was. This gentleman voted for trump, as so many others did, because he couldn't bring himself to vote for a...

 In 1974, we moved into a beautiful house in Evanston, Illinois on a tiny street next to the beach called Edgemere Court. Older residents were moving out and we were one of the newcomers with young children. Janice and Charlie Feldstein, who lived across the street from us, were great neighbors whose company we enjoyed. Several years later, the last of their children graduated from college and they moved to a condo in downtown Chicago. Within a few months, a new family moved in with two children much younger than ours. We welcomed them to the neighborhood but didn't spend much time together.  A few years later, I was asked to do the collections for cancer research for our block since I knew all of the neighbors and had the time. So of course, I called the neighbors across the street.  When the wife answered the phone, I said, "Hi Pam, How are you?" She answered, "Oh, hi Barb. I'm doing fine." Not having spoken more than a few words to each other in passing, ...

Many years ago, Steve and I were invited to the Covenant Club in Chicago to celebrate the wedding of a good friend at the time whose name I do remember - Judy Young. This had to be in the 1970's because the Club closed in the 80's. Anyhow, the place was known for their creamed spinach which was delicious and a very popular item on their menu. So of course, it was served at this formal wedding. I wore a long black gown with rhinestones on the front. Even though Steve was planning to catch a midnight flight to New York, he wore his tuxedo and looked quite dashing. The dinner was lovely, music perfect for dancing and as I recall, we enjoyed the company at our table.  Around ten o'clock, I checked the time and suggested Steve think about saying his goodbyes and congratulations. As I turned to face him, I noticed a tiny green smudge on his collar. "How did you dribble spinach on your collar?" I said as I removed it with my napkin.  "No idea."  Then, I noticed...