Chocolate
Every once in a while, an event occurs that’s meant to be savored. Not a monumental occasion like a wedding or a birth. Rather it’s a quiet moment that often escapes notice.
After the last screening of “Indestructible”, we had dinner together, then watched as Matt, Josh, Ben, Sarah and Rebeccah moved down the street together. They had no great plans for the evening. Maybe they'd catch another film or have a beer. I watched them turn the corner before Steve and I piled the grandchildren into our car and drove back to the hotel.
Years earlier, when explosions over clothes, friends, car windows, leftovers, toys or bedroom territory, to name just a few topics, were a daily occurrence, I wondered what would become of their relationships. Would they care about each other? Want to spend time with each other? Call each other on the phone? I know fifty year old siblings who haven’t spoken in twenty years, curse each other to their parents, refuse to be in the same room together. How does that happen? And what prevents it?
The sibling relationship is probably the least explored and most valuable experience family life has to offer. Brothers and sisters can learn from each other how to argue, resolve issues and move on. They can discover they can be very angry with someone and still love that person. They can learn to stand up for themselves, even if they are the youngest or the smallest. All they need is a little structure.
When our children were young, the warring parties were sent to the playroom sofa to work out their problem. They couldn’t leave the room until they’d reached agreement. I developed a few one liners to use in a multitude of situations. “Talk to her.” “I’ve no idea.” “Not my problem.” Sometimes, they’d both become exasperated with me and commiserate with each other. Other times, I wondered if they were merely placating me so they could get off the sofa. And once in a while, they negotiated a truce.
I wanted my children to know that, no matter what, they could depend upon each other for the rest of their lives. I think I got my wish.
After the last screening of “Indestructible”, we had dinner together, then watched as Matt, Josh, Ben, Sarah and Rebeccah moved down the street together. They had no great plans for the evening. Maybe they'd catch another film or have a beer. I watched them turn the corner before Steve and I piled the grandchildren into our car and drove back to the hotel.
Years earlier, when explosions over clothes, friends, car windows, leftovers, toys or bedroom territory, to name just a few topics, were a daily occurrence, I wondered what would become of their relationships. Would they care about each other? Want to spend time with each other? Call each other on the phone? I know fifty year old siblings who haven’t spoken in twenty years, curse each other to their parents, refuse to be in the same room together. How does that happen? And what prevents it?
The sibling relationship is probably the least explored and most valuable experience family life has to offer. Brothers and sisters can learn from each other how to argue, resolve issues and move on. They can discover they can be very angry with someone and still love that person. They can learn to stand up for themselves, even if they are the youngest or the smallest. All they need is a little structure.
When our children were young, the warring parties were sent to the playroom sofa to work out their problem. They couldn’t leave the room until they’d reached agreement. I developed a few one liners to use in a multitude of situations. “Talk to her.” “I’ve no idea.” “Not my problem.” Sometimes, they’d both become exasperated with me and commiserate with each other. Other times, I wondered if they were merely placating me so they could get off the sofa. And once in a while, they negotiated a truce.
I wanted my children to know that, no matter what, they could depend upon each other for the rest of their lives. I think I got my wish.
 |
| From upper left: Josh, Matt, Rebeccah, Sarah, Ben |
Glad you updated. Hop the pressure works. Sally
ReplyDeleteReally enjoyd reading this. I remember your kids at those ages. And the effort it took.
ReplyDeleteI always told my kids that they didn't have to like each other, they just had to learn to live together. Now they wish they lived closer (instead of on opposite coasts) so they could enjoy each others company more often.
So happy about the film award. Awesome!
Lenore
As you know, it does work.
ReplyDeleteShould come as no surprise that your words pop out of my mouth every day with my own children.
...the experiment continues!