Life as a Single

This is the first year in my entire life of 82 years that I have lived alone, having gone from my parents home to my marital home. In 1964, a 'nice girl' lived with her parents until she got married. What's interesting to me is what I've learned about myself and my marriage this past year.

I have some OCD in me, perhaps more than I'd like to admit. I eat the same breakfast every morning and follow something of a routine. I play the five New York Times games as I eat my cinnamon raisin toast and drink coffee. Even though I can stay up late, eat chocolates to excess, binge watch a show until I'm dizzy, I stay to a regular schedule, much the same as I did when Steve was with me. And I like my apartment to look well groomed at all times, but I'm likely to shove papers and magazines into any available drawer if company is coming over. 

I used to think we lived according to Steve's plan, that he was the one who made the decisions about vacations and travel, restaurants to try, social plans to make.  I've discovered that I'm the extrovert and he was the introvert. I love going to the beach, hot weather, swimming in the ocean.  Steve went along with it because if he didn't, I think he thought I would leave him at home. He never liked water, or sun, but he learned to enjoy those vacations to please me.  I went along with his plans too. Europe was high on his list and we did do a lot of travel together during our 60 years.

What do I miss? Steve telling me I look nice, holding hands, kissing good night and good morning, spooning in bed, enjoying a movie together, discussing pretty much anything - we both had strong opinions which were almost always the same about politics. What should we have for dinner? Pretty much anything I felt like cooking. Or not. One of the first things we did as empty nesters is eat ice cream for dinner. That might have been his plan as I haven't done that yet.

I arranged my apartment to my liking, but as I think back, I always did that wherever we lived so there's nothing new there. Steve used to love buying antiques, big and small, and when he'd bring them home it was my job to figure out a place for them which I enjoyed. 

When we lived in Evanston, which is where we raised our five children, our home was on Lake Michigan. After the children left for school and Steve had gone to his office, I would drink my coffee and stare at the water which I found calming and energetic at the same time. I've new furniture on my balcony, including a rocker which faces the water. In the mornings, I sit there, drink my coffee and feel content. 

The circle of life.