Making Decisions

Barb and Steve - Engaged in 1963

With Steve gone, I've spent a lot of time, this past year, thinking about my part in our relationship. I always believed he was the driving force behind so much of our lives. I listened to, and loved his favorite music performers like Johnny Cash, Elton John, and Sam Cooke who were some of his favorites. Steve often chose the restaurants, movies, vacation spots. He loved and purchased art and antiques, mineral specimens, netsuke figurines and so much more that I also enjoy.

But I made some of the major changes in our lives and he accepted and supported anything and everything I suggested or wanted. I was the one who made the connection between Stephen's job at Look Magazine with my relative's marketing company which later became the focus of his career. After eighteen years, I said "The children are all starting their adventures. I want one too. Let's sell the house in Evanston and move." To which he said, "Ok." One year later, we were living in Long Grove in a newly built, beautiful home. Two years later I asked him if he was happy in Long Grove. "No," So we moved again. We saw a forgettable movie in which a couple met in a cabin in the woods. Afterwards I said to Steve,"Let's find a place in the country where we can go for weekends and vacations." He said, "Ok." And within three months, we'd bought a place in Dodgeville. When he fell in our two story Madison condo and needed 50 stitches on his head,  I said, "Time to move." Nine months later we were living in a house that we built precisely to our needs. When we visited friends living at Saint John's on the Lake for lunch, it was Steve who said, "Let's sell the house and move to Milwaukee," it was my turn to be surprised and say, "Ok." 

Steve encouraged me to write, to create Moon Lodge for Moms, to return to school for Masters Degrees. In fact, I cannot remember him ever saying no to me, whether it was to go to a workshop or take a trip to a spa, he always agreed. Steve made sure my name was on every credit card, mortgage, bank account from the day we married in 1964. Even though, outside our home, my worth as a woman was second tier, inside our home I was always an equal in every sense of the word. 

Most importantly and for which I will always be grateful, he listened to my parenting direction. Did he always follow it? Our children will probably laugh and say no but he tried very hard to be the best Dad he could be. For this, for believing in me, for respecting my views, I loved him and treasure his memory.