RANDOM THOUGHTS

-

 My brain is a muddle this morning. Through no fault of my own, there was a water leak into my apartment on Thursday that has left me with noisy machines interrupting my sleep. So I'm tired today and worn out from the noise inside my apartment and outside in the world. What do I worry about? Nothing that I can do much about. I worry about the damage being inflicted on all of us by a totalitarian nutcase who just can't seem to have enough power, money and control. Years ago, a man who made 400 million dollars a year was asked in an interview if he felt that was enough money for him. His answer? No. Imagine how many yachts, airplanes, and villas the man must have had and still, not enough for him. What a miserable way to live your life.

I think Mother Nature has become impatient and angry with us for not appreciating her gifts

and allowing the worst among us to take over. What was Covid, if not a way to keep us chained inside so the skies could clear? Freezing temperatures here of 20 to 30 below 0 (no wind chill factor) in Milwaukee feel like arctic winds, once again keeping us inside. 

Towards the end of his life, Steve and I would sit on the bench in front of our building and watch the birds cluster around us, something we never did before. Steve would pick a leaf or a flower from the garden and marvel at the intricacies and beauty it contained. He'd glance through the car windows and point to the colors and grandeur of the trees along the road. At first I thought this was one of the symptoms of Alzheimer's, noticing minutia. Now I think it's one of the gifts, those zen moments we shared.

I'm joining a group today to write postcards to representatives and senators, imploring them to stand up to the bigots and brown shirts threatening our friends, family and neighbors. They haven't come to Milwaukee yet, but they could. This must be what my grandmother felt when she lived in Ukraine, waking up every day, wondering if that would be the day her door would be broken down by cossacks. 

Steve and Barb, sleeping on the plaza, 2024



Comments

  1. AnonymousJanuary 24, 2026 at 6:06:00 PM CST

    Barbara, your writing gives me strength. It's such a hard time and this helps me get through. - Jackie

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousJanuary 25, 2026 at 10:56:00 AM CST

    Thank you
    Julie

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Thank you for leaving a comment

Popular posts from this blog

Life as a Single

-
Image
This is the first year in my entire life of 82 years that I have lived alone, having gone from my parents home to my marital home. In 1964, a 'nice girl' lived with her parents until she got married. What's interesting to me is what I've learned about myself and my marriage this past year. I have some OCD in me, perhaps more than I'd like to admit. I eat the same breakfast every morning and follow something of a routine. I play the five New York Times games as I eat my cinnamon raisin toast and drink coffee. Even though I can stay up late, eat chocolates to excess, binge watch a show until I'm dizzy, I stay to a regular schedule, much the same as I did when Steve was with me. And I like my apartment to look well groomed at all times, but I'm likely to shove papers and magazines into any available drawer if company is coming over.  I used to think we lived according to Steve's plan, that he was the one who made the decisions about vacations and travel, re...
Read more

A Funny Story

-
Image
Many years ago, Steve and I were invited to the Covenant Club in Chicago to celebrate the wedding of a good friend at the time whose name I do remember - Judy Young. This had to be in the 1970's because the Club closed in the 80's. Anyhow, the place was known for their creamed spinach which was delicious and a very popular item on their menu. So of course, it was served at this formal wedding. I wore a long black gown with rhinestones on the front. Even though Steve was planning to catch a midnight flight to New York, he wore his tuxedo and looked quite dashing. The dinner was lovely, music perfect for dancing and as I recall, we enjoyed the company at our table.  Around ten o'clock, I checked the time and suggested Steve think about saying his goodbyes and congratulations. As I turned to face him, I noticed a tiny green smudge on his collar. "How did you dribble spinach on your collar?" I said as I removed it with my napkin.  "No idea."  Then, I noticed...
Read more

Scars

-
Image
It’s 7:00 in the morning on a warm July day in 2008. I’m nervous and excited about the prospect of Ben being able to live longer and feel stronger. A new invention, surgically implanted, is supposed to keep his diaphragm moving his lungs so he can breathe. His friend, and film collaborator, is with him in the next room, helping him bathe and dress. Ben is excited, having waited nearly one year for FDA approval. Steve has already gone downstairs to have a quiet breakfast.   My heart races so fast, I think I might be having a heart attack. I take some deep breaths and imagine Ben a few days from now taking steady breaths. I step carefully into the bathtub and turn on the shower, wash my hair and let the hot water massage my back but the tightness in my throat remains.  As I step out of the shower, I slip on the floor and collide with the edge of the toilet seat. In seconds, blood covers the toilet, the floor, my face. The gash is directly above my left eyebrow and may...
Read more