Wakeful Dreams

In the late 1980's, when my children were all teenagers, I decided I needed something to boost my self awareness, introspection, purpose. So I took a Wakeful Dreaming Workshop. If you've never heard of such a thing, you are not alone. The seminar took place in the family room of a Leader in Skokie, Illinois. I think there were only four of us, maybe six, a small group. One of us would lie down with our eyes closed while our partner asked questions to help us imagine a scene. "Is it warm, cold, sunny, rainy? Is anyone there? Do you see a path? Are there rocks?" And so on until the image you created in your mind provided a message for you to ponder. Then we would switch places so our partners had a chance to experience their dreams. It was a two day seminar with many different activities, one of which has had a lasting effect on me.

At one point, I was walking on my path in my mind, daisies near the trees, a nice pond, a blue bird following me and the question I was asked was, "Look behind and see how you arrived on your path." So I did exactly that and saw a cannon. "I was shot out of a cannon!" I was shocked and more than a little upset. No mistake about that. It was a civil war cannon, huge, black, gritty with a gaping hole. Impersonal and lazy came to mind. Had I really given so little thought to my decisions? Hadn't I considered options? 

I had followed a well worn path at the time; college, graduation, teaching, marriage, children. Boom, boom, boom. Of course I wanted to go to college. When I met Steve I knew he was the love of my life. I always wanted to be a mom. But was I on automatic pilot? Were these intentional decisions? Sometimes I wonder what I might have done differently if I were graduating from college today. Would I have gone to law school? Run for public office? Opened my own business? Studied interior design? Become an archeologist? Or, as Marlon Brando put it in On The Waterfront, maybe "I coulda been a contenda." Really? Did I miss some great opportunity?

After that seminar, I went back to school and got a master's degree in humanities. And another in early childhood development. For a minute I thought about a PhD but that evaporated. I've done several more personal growth seminars through the years. Each one offered a different perspective and proved to be beneficial. Writing was always an enjoyable pastime for me. But I've never been driven to become a published author. 

I decided if I had my life to do over, I would do it exactly the same. In retrospect, I did intend every step I took. I've certainly followed some interesting paths that took me to places I never dreamed would be in my life like creating a museum and ALS Worldwide. And the cannon that gave me such a shock? If I picture it now, it's painted bright colors and has ribbons circling it. We've become good friends.