Burnt Chocolate Stories

I used to say the years fly by like bullets. Then it was weeks. Now it's days. Saturday morning is here again and I've spent a good deal of the time drinking coffee and thinking about what I'd like to post.  Today is Steve's Yartzeit (the one year anniversary of his death according to the Jewish calendar). I lit the candle in his memory and said the prayers. I thought it would be a sad day for me, but in truth, we had over sixty amazing years, a journey that contained dozens of highs and lows. I'm grateful for what we had. The sadness has diminished. In the coming year, I'll light a candle for my parents, my sister Sandy, our son Ben, friends I've lost, because in that moment when the candle is lit, I feel their presence and remember the times we shared.  Steve was a complicated man, but his ability to laugh at himself, not take himself too seriously was one of his best traits. It's one of the things I loved most about him. Steve loved to tell the story ...

There's a belief that if you do something for 21 days in a row, it becomes a habit you'll find difficult to break. This applied to exercise mostly and I don't know if that's true for writing posts, but today is the 21st Saturday that I've written a story and posted it on Burnt Chocolate. So perhaps I've cemented the habit. I do know that writing brings me a great deal of pleasure. And at this stage in my life, that's become an important commodity. Since I moved to Saint John's, I've thought about getting a puppy. Steve and I talked about it and decided it probably wasn't a good idea. When we had Annie, a mixture of German Shepherd and Rottweiler and Emma, a mixture of Black Lab, Sharpie and Staffordshire Terrier (pit bull), we were living in a house and could open the back door and let them run. In an apartment, no matter the weather, walking them outside is a necessity. Then, when Steve moved to the care neighborhood, I thought why not? A puppy ...

Barb and Steve - Engaged in 1963 With Steve gone, I've spent a lot of time, this past year, thinking about my part in our relationship. I always believed he was the driving force behind so much of our lives. I listened to, and loved his favorite music performers like Johnny Cash, Elton John, and Sam Cooke who were some of his favorites. Steve often chose the restaurants, movies, vacation spots. He loved and purchased art and antiques, mineral specimens, netsuke figurines and so much more that I also enjoy. But I made some of the major changes in our lives and he accepted and supported anything and everything I suggested or wanted. I was the one who made the connection between Stephen's job at Look Magazine with my relative's marketing company which later became the focus of his career. After eighteen years, I said "The children are all starting their adventures. I want one too. Let's sell the house in Evanston and move." To which he said, "Ok." One y...

I grew up in an apartment and had never lived in a house until we moved to Evanston in 1974, just a few days before our fifth child, Rebeccah was born. I had no idea what to do with the yard, the raised beds, the endless lilac bushes along the fence. With a new baby and four small children, I had the winter to think and plan and learn. While I definitely made mistakes along the way, gardening became a favorite hobby of mine which I shared with my new friend Jeanie who remains close to my heart to this day. Each May, we would go to the garden sale by local gardeners and add to our gardens, a lovely memory. From Evanston, we moved to Long Grove, then a near north Chicago town house, then Dodgeville, then Madison, then Fitchburg. No matter where we lived, I managed to create gardens in small and large spaces. I planted a grove of fruit trees and five perennial circles in Dodgeville, peonies in Fitchburg. The downtown garden was small but held a cone shaped hydrangea and a small stone pat...

  Zoe, Barry, Sarah and Me at the Tower of London Sarah and I had a wonderful cruise down the Danube. And now that I've actually done it, I can check that off my bucket list. On the one hand, it was great being with Sarah for a week. We saw the sights, played rummy 500, met some nice people, ate lots of delicious food. Steve and I had a plan to do this cruise in 2020, then covid hit and we were cancelled. When covid ended, it seemed a river cruise was no longer possible for him. In truth, and in hind sight, a river cruise would not ever have been Steve's choice at any stage in his life. He was my live in travel guide, loved planning the places we'd go and the things we'd see. I so enjoyed those rides with him. Seeing London through my granddaughter Zoe's eyes was great fun. She knows the best restaurants, train schedules, bus stops - you name it, she's on it. In 2015, Steve and I took her and her cousin Mackenzie to London and Scotland for a couple of weeks. We ...

My week on the Romantic Danube River Cruise ended yesterday. Fortunately, my daughter Sarah thought to purchase walking sticks for me to use on the many walks we took in Regensburg, Vienna and Budapest. I honestly think I would have been lost without them. My steps have tripled on my apple watch - up to 5 miles a day. I've always wanted to take a river cruise, which was very enjoyable, and I can now check off that box on my list.  One highlight of the trip was visiting a monastery in Regensburg, beautifully restored and home to seventy monks. Local children attend the school housed there and the view was spectacular. Wine and apricots provide income as do the many tourists that visit daily. Budapest is home to the largest and most gorgeous synagogue in the world, but I regret not seeing it for a second time, having visited it in 2006.  Today I am in an apartment in London with Sarah and her husband Barry, visiting my granddaughter Zoe who has made London her home for the next ...

Greetings from Regensburg, Germany where my daughter Sarah and I are taking a Viking Cruise! Since I've made a commitment to post each and every Saturday morning, I thought I'd share a piece I wrote in 1986 which on the one hand, feels like a lifetime ago, and yet it's as relevant for me today as it was then.   Dreaming My Way Towards Clarity I dream that I am frozen on a road leading towards a mountain. The road is smooth and white with yellow daffodils along the edge. Pink cosmos fills the fields. The day is warm and sunny but I cannot enjoy it. I cannot move. A blue bird flutters above my head, beckoning me towards the top of the mountain that glistens, starlike. My feet refuse to move. Six smooth statues sit on the road beside me, holding me tight. One is alabaster, smooth and shaped like a huge oval. The second is translucent with dark veins and fan like edges. Another a deep lapis carved into a bird. The next is green marble and perches on two points. At the road'...

Sometimes I think I should wind down, relax more, chill. But the truth is, I'm not happy if I don't have ideas piled up on my desk, waiting for me to pay attention to them. Last year, I redid the ALS Worldwide website. Not because I actually wanted to, but because it was ten years old and the original designer told me it could crash which forced me to review everything in order to create a sleek, easy to navigate website. Now that it's finished, I love its ease and beauty. Then I consolidated all of the information that was crowded onto dozens of website pages into a book, Pathways Through the ALS Storm. It contains everything Steve and I learned about ALS in a wire bound book that's easy for patients to maneuver. I've shipped quite of few copies, but not enough to satisfy me. If our donation drive this year is fruitful, I'll be shipping copies to many neurologists so they can keep copies in their waiting rooms. Now, I'm writing a novel - an historical fict...

The last time I published this story was 3 weeks before the 2020 presidential election, when we were all holding our collective breath, hoping Biden would win. And he did! Like a bad dream, Trump has come back into our lives, holding court, destroying the White House, chopping off heads, ruining thousands of lives just because he feels like it. He's a grown up version of Eddie. So here it is again, I hope for the last time. One year down, three to go unless the entire country has had enough of his bullying and can figure out a way stop him. Park Bully Eddie is the park bully at age four. He throws sand, squishes castles, pinches arms, pushes babies and ignores his mother's pleas to be a good boy.  Bad boy Eddie is the scapegoat of Goudy playground, the source of all angst, beyond control and blamed for any bad behavior that the other children exhibit. No one intervenes or supports this family.  Instead, we whisper maliciously behind Eddie's mom's back and wish they woul...

 Many years ago, I took a course on culture when I was getting a masters degree in early childhood development. The focus was learning to appreciate differences, not just tolerate them, an idea that has so many implications. So what does that mean exactly? In the US, there are so many opportunities, it's hard to keep track of them all. Foods, Holidays, Religions, Rituals, Clothing. We're surrounded by amazing ways to embrace and enjoy our differences.  We have Italians to thank for pizza which has become a weekly staple in most households, a delicious dish that no one had heard of until after WWll. Tacos, empanadas, sushi, stir fry, hamburgers and french fries are just a few of our favorites which were imported by immigrants who came to this country to find a better life for themselves. We've all enriched our daily lives because of their pioneering spirit. But there's so much more. If you've ever been to an East Indian wedding, you know what an amazing experience th...

My training is in early childhood development, so I've been wondering lately how Mr. and Mrs. Trump produced a person like Donald. I'm sorry his parents are not here to see the bungled mess they created. That's what happens when a child intimidates and frightens his parents. When no one stands up and says 'ENOUGH!'  For one, I'm guessing they never set limits or appropriate consequences for any negative behavior. If, as a toddler, he had temper tantrums, they gave him whatever he wanted whether it was more ice cream or a toy of his brother's. They failed to provide consequences for hitting or biting another child or pulling down a little girl's pants. By the time he was in school, if a teacher called a conference because Donald neglected to hand in his home work or threw a pencil in another child's eye, Donald's parents probably got the teacher fired.  Did Donald get into trouble in high school? Probably several times. The answer for them was to ...

Steve doing his imitation of an Ultakocker at his 80th birthday party with Grandson Adam One of the best things about living in a diverse country, with many different ethnicities and cultures, is enjoying unique foods, sharing different customs and holidays, and learning words that have become commonplace but are still foreign to many.  Yiddish has a complicated history. It is a combination of several different languages - some low German, Hebrew, a bit of Polish and some Russian as well as words from the Baltic region. Early Ashkenazi Jews who emigrated from Europe mostly spoke Yiddish when they arrived but encouraged their children to learn English. Certain ultra religious Jewish groups in the United States and Israel continue to speak Yiddish as their given language. So this week, I'm going to introduce you to some of the Yiddish words that have become commonplace in America.  If you hear someone say, he's such a Mensh, it means an honorable human being you might like to kn...

Pieces of me are falling apart. I suppose it's my age - 82 is no spring chicken as they say. I need two implants due to two teeth failing to do their job properly and chew as they have been instructed. That is no easy feat as it takes many months to get it done. And how much mileage will I get out of it? Maybe ten years if I'm lucky. But my children say I need to do these things and spend the small fortune it will cost. The other night, there was a tiny spider on the ceiling above my bed. At first I thought, how much damage can a tiny spider do. But then it bothered me that it was up there waiting to pounce and bite, so I picked up my slipper, stood on the bed and swiped it off, killing it I suppose, but it disappeared. Then I fell against the wall behind my bed and clocked my right eye, turning it blue and swollen almost immediately. Ice all night kept the swelling down, but the color has become a brilliant rainbow that circles my eye. Nurse Abby confirmed no damage had been d...

"Can't we all just be friends?" That was Rodney Kings refrain after he'd been beaten within an inch of his life by the Los Angeles police.  If he can express such a hopeful stance, let's hope the rest of us can.  When Karl Rove, Tucker Carlson and John Yoo have come together to say enough is enough from trump, here's hoping the rest of us can. I was at a discussion group last week and a gentleman, rather apologetically, said he was concerned about the budget which is why he voted for trump. No! That excuse does not fly. Because trump never said he would or even could balance the budget. No one really cares about the federal budget except when it's time to have an election. Then hands are raised as if this is a horrible predicament. Well, now, in these terrible circumstances, it might be, but it's too late to even be concerned if anyone really was. This gentleman voted for trump, as so many others did, because he couldn't bring himself to vote for a...

I said a few words at the Alzheimer's Walk at Saint John's on the Lake, about how caring and supportive our community is to those who have the disease and to those who care for them. My father and my husband Steve both died from Alzheimer's. They struggled against the ever advancing symptoms to make the best of their remaining time. And then there was our son Ben who had ALS and met his challenges with grace and courage. Brain diseases are the most complicated medical frontier today, but we continue to maintain hope in the face of overwhelming odds. Afterwards, someone asked how I've been able to maintain strength in the face of these horrific diseases. I joked, 'denial is my friend' but that doesn't really answer the question. It lies in my family history. My paternal grandmother, Rebecca, is my champion. Her only daughter and one-year-old baby boy died hiding with her in a neighbor's cellar during the 1902 pogrom in Ukraine. For the next year, she made...

 In 1986, I volunteered at the Evanston Women's Shelter for Battered Women. I was an outreach spokesperson for any organization that asked for presentations. I explained why spanking a child is the least effective discipline tool, why abused women need sanctuary, how laws to protect battered women need to be passed. I also listened to the painful stories from women who sought refuge for themselves and their children, from husbands and boyfriends, afraid for their lives. Literally. Through these brave women, I learned what it meant to live in an abusive relationship. These women risked their lives to save themselves and their children. Often, they escaped in the middle of the night, to seek shelter and protection. As we were protesting on Lafayette Hill on Saturday, a fellow protester told me about an article she read that compares what our country is living through now, to an abusive relationship. I hadn't thought about that before, but it makes perfect sense to me. We ask, why...

1976 - Matt in Japan with his Dad      I sometimes say that every ten years I push the delete button in my brain to make room for new information. It's just a game I play to cover myself for whatever I can't seem to remember-names, dates, places. About thirty years ago, I started to write a collection of stories about my early years as a mother. I regret that I didn't write more of them when the memories were fresher and I could conjure up the experiences as if they just happened. Going through my files, I happened upon this little piece that taught me an important lesson. The year is 1976. We've lived in our house for just two years and the garage has stretched as far as it can to accommodate two cars, five bicycles, two tricycles, a lawn mower and gardening tools. Shelves in front of the windows creak with automotive supplies. Baseballs, basketballs, soccer balls, golf balls and tennis balls randomly bounce under the cars, creeping into the corners. A tinny red gas ca...

 In 1974, we moved into a beautiful house in Evanston, Illinois on a tiny street next to the beach called Edgemere Court. Older residents were moving out and we were one of the newcomers with young children. Janice and Charlie Feldstein, who lived across the street from us, were great neighbors whose company we enjoyed. Several years later, the last of their children graduated from college and they moved to a condo in downtown Chicago. Within a few months, a new family moved in with two children much younger than ours. We welcomed them to the neighborhood but didn't spend much time together.  A few years later, I was asked to do the collections for cancer research for our block since I knew all of the neighbors and had the time. So of course, I called the neighbors across the street.  When the wife answered the phone, I said, "Hi Pam, How are you?" She answered, "Oh, hi Barb. I'm doing fine." Not having spoken more than a few words to each other in passing, ...

Many years ago, Steve and I were invited to the Covenant Club in Chicago to celebrate the wedding of a good friend at the time whose name I do remember - Judy Young. This had to be in the 1970's because the Club closed in the 80's. Anyhow, the place was known for their creamed spinach which was delicious and a very popular item on their menu. So of course, it was served at this formal wedding. I wore a long black gown with rhinestones on the front. Even though Steve was planning to catch a midnight flight to New York, he wore his tuxedo and looked quite dashing. The dinner was lovely, music perfect for dancing and as I recall, we enjoyed the company at our table.  Around ten o'clock, I checked the time and suggested Steve think about saying his goodbyes and congratulations. As I turned to face him, I noticed a tiny green smudge on his collar. "How did you dribble spinach on your collar?" I said as I removed it with my napkin.  "No idea."  Then, I noticed...

This is the first year in my entire life of 82 years that I have lived alone, having gone from my parents home to my marital home. In 1964, a 'nice girl' lived with her parents until she got married. What's interesting to me is what I've learned about myself and my marriage this past year. I have some OCD in me, perhaps more than I'd like to admit. I eat the same breakfast every morning and follow something of a routine. I play the five New York Times games as I eat my cinnamon raisin toast and drink coffee. Even though I can stay up late, eat chocolates to excess, binge watch a show until I'm dizzy, I stay to a regular schedule, much the same as I did when Steve was with me. And I like my apartment to look well groomed at all times, but I'm likely to shove papers and magazines into any available drawer if company is coming over.  I used to think we lived according to Steve's plan, that he was the one who made the decisions about vacations and travel, re...

In spite of the dangerous, spiteful and stupid actions by this government, I'm not really affected. My investment account rises daily, I can afford whatever prices show up in the stores where I shop for food and clothing. I'm able to take trips and for now, I'm not worried about money, which is strange because I have always been a bit of a worrier. But I am angry and wish terrible things on the people that are making the lives of so many impossible. ICE is nothing more than brown shirts revisited upon us from Nazi Germany. Swooping up innocent, loving families and shipping them off to god knows where. Why? Because they can. Because by the time the legal system catches up to them, if it ever does, no one will know where the dispossessed are living, whether they are alive or dead. I've always been proud to be an American, even when Europe painted us as the Ugly American in some book or other. I've forgotten who coined that term.  And yet, I was still proud of my herit...