July

July is a strange combination of events for me. On the one hand, it's the month we lost Ben to ALS which is always a startling realization. Eighteen years ago yesterday. He'd waited ten months to be able to get a diaphragm pacer to help him breathe so he could spend more time with his son and less lying on the couch. We were so excited to see this happen for him but at that stage in his decline, minor surgery could become major which is what happened to him. A quiet ending for a spirited man.

It's also my birthday month which is mostly positive, except when the number is the same as my father's in the last year of his life, it does give me pause. I'm celebrating in a strange way by giving up my car on the last day of the month. When I mentioned to my children that I was just thinking about it, to a person they all agreed this was a 'great idea.' I admit I was a little taken aback. Afterall, I'm a fairly decent driver, still comfortable on the highways, happy to drive to Madison or Chicago. I thought someone might have said, "Have you thought this through? What about your nail appointments?" But instead they said, "Great! Just call an uber or lyft. You'll love the service."

Which brings me to my nails which are important to me since I was prone to bite them as a child. I was one of the first people to try acrylic and while the techniques have changed, I've never stopped getting my monthly manicure. In fact, it became a joke that Steve and I shared for years. When he was fifty four, he suffered a massive heart attack in July. The left ventricle was 99% occluded, which means near death. A stent put all that to rest. The surgeon was a rather severe man who pointed to the spot on a poster there the stent was placed and declared, "They call this the widowmaker?" After a few minutes, my brilliant Steve said, "Why do they call it a widowmaker?" It was at that point that I decided to keep my manicure appointment that afternoon.

Wishing you a peaceful July 4th this year. We've been in tight places other years. This too will pass with brighter days ahead. Happily, my readership is steadily growing. I'm pleased to be sharing my thoughts with you.

Benjamin Saul Byer 2000