Feeling Grounded

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After about a year of marriage, Steve and I were sitting together on the sofa, not reading books or watching television, just sitting. Neither of us said a word. After about five minutes, I said, "Well, that's it. We've run out of things to talk about." We both laughed. I miss that level of comfort. The presence of another human being who I love, sitting near me, feeling grounded.

We can never imagine what it might be like to be truly alone when we're married, especially after sixty years. Of course Steve and I took separate trips from time to time, but then there was the homecoming, the reconnection, the peace, believing we would see each other again.

Unfortunately, there's no cure for the loss. But I've found ways to partially fill the void. I've taken on more tasks around here than I probably should, coordinating groups that have different flavors: newly single women, better known as widows, sharing lunch and feelings; the dining committee; a conversation group that focuses on different points of views; creating a conversation area for the lonely; the buddy program that connects care residents with the rest of the community. I knit and read, and exercise. I sit on my balcony and watch the waves, enjoy the breeze and the autumn colors that are bursting out in orange and yellow.

There's no fix for this. Just making the most of each day. If Steve were here, that would be his wish for me. In fact it was a wish he held for me when we were together. 

If you're wondering why I've written such a mournful post today, it is because writing these words makes me feel less alone, and may make the day a little better for others. To me, it feels like a mitzvah, a good deed.

1975
PS: I promised I would remind you to vote no on the 3 referendums as they are all either redundant, unconstitutional (which would cause endless and ongoing court proceedings) or harmful to the general public. Check with the League of Women Voters for more clarity.

Comments

  1. AnonymousOctober 10, 2026 at 12:33:00 PM CST

    I don't see it as a mournful post. Just realistic. Appreciate it. KT

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousOctober 11, 2026 at 8:26:00 AM CST

    Nice post. I share your loss — but with differences.

    ReplyDelete
  3. JeanieOctober 11, 2026 at 1:24:00 PM CST

    Dearest Barb, I feel your loss, even though I still have my spouse next to me. I feel the loss of Stephen and the friendship the four of us shared. The dinners he prepared for us with me as his sous chef, chopping and cleaning up as he did his original preparations for delicious victuals. When he had his masculine pony tail, we would hug and pull each others hair and declare our love for each other. He was the best travel agent making arrangements for flights, hotel bookings and advice on what to do and what to avoid. A visit to an art museum was like having a private docent, art historian educating all of us about what we were seeing/enjoying. He introduced me to music, art, travel. The pretend biting and pinching I could do without, but I forgive him that. Love to Stephen and love to you, always!

    ReplyDelete

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