Holding Hands

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Sometimes a presentation, program, book or conversation can open our minds and hearts to a new way of approaching some of life's challenges, unexpected pitfalls, new horizons. Dr. Vitek Murthy, former United States Surgeon General, presented his views on loneliness at Chautauqua this summer. I had the opportunity to view his extraordinary interview here at Saint John's. 

One of the more poignant moments he described, was when he visited a patient who was frightened about the surgery she was about to have. Rather than talk to her about the surgery, he simply held her hand for many minutes. Human touch calmed her in a way that no words or statistics or surgical facts could have accomplished.

Which is what made me think about what I miss most now that I live alone. Steve and I held hands when we took a walk together, pulled each other up from the sofa, sat together watching television. Sometimes he had his arm around my shoulders, but mostly, we held hands. He had a firm, strong grip that said, I'm here, without words. But now there is no one to hold my hand. 

When I meet friends for lunch, we connect of course. Our conversations are sometimes intimate but do we ever hold hands? No. Which is both sad and strange because that kind of human connection can be so healing. 

Shortly after Steve passed away, I saw a good friend David in the hallway and told him I needed a hug, which he was happy to provide. He laughed and said, "All my hugs are free." But I think if someone saw us walking down the hallway holding hands, they might consider that strange, awkward or unusual and come to all kinds of false conclusions. Isn't that odd that holding hands appears more intimate than a hug? And yet both are such a comfort in times of need.

It might be a little awkward at first, but my intention in the Jewish New Year, Rosh Hashanah, which began yesterday evening, is to take a friend's hand in mine, to offer my support, and to listen with an open heart. 

I smile thinking of one of my favorite Beattle's songs, "I wanna hold your hand."  

You can listen to the song here:   The Beattles


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