Holding Hands

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Sometimes a presentation, program, book or conversation can open our minds and hearts to a new way of approaching some of life's challenges, unexpected pitfalls, new horizons. Dr. Vitek Murthy, former United States Surgeon General, presented his views on loneliness and the importance of connection at Chautauqua this summer. I had the opportunity to view his extraordinary interview here at Saint John's. 

One of the more poignant moments he described was a visit he had with a patient who was frightened about the surgery she was about to have. He felt overwhelmed and confused about what he could say that would be of help to her. Instead of speaking, he simply held her hand for many minutes. Human touch calmed her in a way that no words or statistics or surgical facts could have accomplished. 

Which is what made me think about what I miss most now that I live alone. Steve and I held hands when we took a walk together, pulled each other up from the sofa, sat together watching television. Sometimes he had his arm around my shoulders, but mostly, we held hands. He had a firm, strong grip that said, I'm here for you, without words. But now there is no one to hold my hand. 

When I meet friends for lunch, we connect of course. Our conversations are sometimes intimate but do we ever hold hands? No. Which is both sad and strange because that kind of human connection can be so comforting. 

Shortly after Steve passed away, I saw a good friend in the hallway and told him I needed a hug, which he was happy to provide. He laughed and said, "All my hugs are free." Isn't it odd that family and friends frequently give each other a hug hello and goodbye, but rarely hold each others hands. And it seems that is the kind of personal touch, the intimacy, that offers human connection, an important antidote to loneliness.

My intention in the Jewish New Year, Rosh Hashanah, which began yesterday evening, is to take a friend's hand in mine, to offer my support, and to listen with an open heart. 

I smile thinking of one of my favorite Beattle's songs, "I wanna hold your hand."  

You can listen to the song here:   The Beattles



TOGETHER: THE HEALING POWER OF HUMAN CONNECTION IN A SOMETIMES LONELY WORLD 
by Dr. Vitek Murthy

Comments

  1. AnonymousSeptember 12, 2026 at 10:19:00 AM CST

    Wish I could hold your hand right now. I can always use a good hand! Sending love!

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousSeptember 12, 2026 at 11:59:00 AM CST

    I hold my husband Steve's hand when I have something difficult to discuss with him so that we can be connected with each other during an intense or serious conversation. It helps then too!

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousSeptember 13, 2026 at 12:39:00 PM CST

    Really love this posting. It makes me realize how much Dean and I hold hands. And appreciate it.

    ReplyDelete

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